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I woke up this morning thinking about Roger Bannister. Anyone who has spent any decent amount of time around me knows how much of an inspiration he is to me when it comes to mindset. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Roger, he was the first person to run a sub-4 minute mile. What makes this feat even more impressive was that the common belief of the day was that this was physically impossible. Reputable doctors opined that if attempted the heart would most likely give out from the sheer strain being placed on it by such physical exertion. Every one (including athletes) had accepted this as par for the course…a bridge too far for mankind. Not Roger! In May 1954 Roger did what was at the time believed to be impossible. Here’s what’s even more thought provoking about the whole ordeal… after having gone all these centuries without anyone ever running a sub-4 minute mile, many athletes would go on to achieve the same feat in the SAME year after Roger. As a matter of fact, John Landy would go on to achieve the same thing about a month later on June 21, 1954. Why did the floodgates open all of a sudden? Why were so many athletes suddenly able to achieve something that was previously considered beyond their reach? Because Roger had shown that it was possible. All of a sudden, the mindset around running a sub-4 minute mile had changed. For the first time, people saw that it was actually doable. The shackle of limiting belief that weighed tons around their ankles was suddenly broken and they were able to run unencumbered. In subsequent years, many other athletes would go on to run a sub-4 minute mile. It wasn’t something outlandish to reach for anymore.
Limiting beliefs can weigh a lot. As I look towards 2024, I ask myself certain questions. “What are the things I did well in 2023 that I want to keep doing in 2024?” “What are the things I would like to do more of?” Being more intentional about working on my mindset is definitely one of those things. The mind is indeed a muscle. Just like any other muscle in the body, with exercise and exposing it to varying levels of resistance, it can grow and be made stronger. This year I want to be as diligent on working on my mind as I am on working on my body and spirit. Part of that is repeating my affirmations to myself until they start to take root. The other part though, is slowly building a reputation of myself, with myself. Reputation simply refers to a level of trust. Trust that a person will follow through on the promises they have made. So building a reputation with myself simply means that over time I know I will do the things I have set out to do because I have a track record of keeping the promises I have made to myself. First with the small things, then with the much bigger things. This is the foundation of belief. It is not about just reciting things to myself in the mirror everyday… it is evidenced by the tiny examples of everyday follow through, the summation of which constitutes a reputation.
As someone who played endurance sports for a long time, I know one thing: most times when it comes to endurance, the mind gives up long before the body does. That is natural. It is instinctual design for our minds to try to keep us safe and comfortable. Finding new limits, be they physical or mental requires a healthy dose of intentional training and practice. As I continue my quest for progression (not perfection), I want to take my belief to another level this year. The mind is indeed a terrible thing to waste.

“Has anyone seen Tracy?” , Peter asked as he popped his head into the office lunch room. He was greeted with some verbal responses of “no” as well as a few shaking of heads. “Well her car has been on for about ten minutes now and I’m just wondering if she’s forgotten”, Peter retorted. With my curiosity sufficiently piqued, I wandered inquisitively towards the office window to confirm for myself. There it was! Tracy’s 2001 Honda Accord sat idly in the driveway as the engine continued to run. It was a cold day, so the fumes from the exhaust were quite visible as they floated upwards nonchalantly into the clouds like a tourist with lots of time to spare. There’s something a bit odd about watching a vehicle you know has been running for a while just remain stagnant in one spot. On the surface, there is the paradoxical nature of the whole thing… a ‘running’ engine but zero distance covered. Usually a vehicle with a running engine is supposed to go somewhere. Digging a little deeper, that’s a lot of fuel being burned up for nothing. Quite wasteful if you ask me.

I couldn’t help but zero in on that second thought as I continued to stare through the window, Tracy still nowhere in sight. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about my life and began to hone in on a certain analogy. In this analogy, I was like that car in the parking lot. I thought about all the adversity and challenges life was currently throwing my way. I was starting to lose perspective. I was starting to lose hope that there will be the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. As a result, I had started to feel down on myself. I had started to feel angry at my situation and the world at large. I had started to wake up everyday only focusing on all the things that were supposedly ‘wrong’ in my life. This brings me to the second part of my analogy. The challenges I was facing were like the fuel in that car. You see, me using my current challenges as an opportunity to get despondent and down on myself instead of using them as an opportunity to grow was like that car sitting idly in the parking lot burning fuel. The fuel is meant to be burnt in service of taking the vehicle somewhere… to meander through new roads…. to traverse new terrains and see sights yet explored. When you start to see your challenges as fuel, you realize that if channeled correctly, they are a valuable catalyst for growth. Significant growth does not happen in the zip code of your comfort zone. It never has. Growth happens where we are most uncomfortable, as long as we are able to make the paradigm shift and recognize that the place of adversity is no different from the place of opportunity. Failure to do this would be like a vehicle sitting in a parking lot burning valuable fuel instead of hitting the road to explore. Jim Rohn would always say “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.” In other words, don’t sit in the parking lot burning up valuable fuel idly. That’s right… every problem has value. Every problem has a lesson to teach. Every problem has a hand extended, inviting you to seize the opportunity to grow and become who you’ve never been. Take that invitation, hit the road to the address of growth, and don’t waste the fuel!

“Don’t you dare touch that button”! Those were the words I yelled out to my friend as we rode in his 2 seater cherry red Jeep Wrangler. With his hands retracting and mine extending in a coordinated motion that would have made an amateur synchronized swimming coach proud, I reached for the circular knob on the right side of the dashboard as I turned up the radio volume with reckless abandonment. Instantly, I was transported back in time. The year was 1997. IBM’s Deep Blue chess-playing computer had defeated chess champion Garry Kasparov, the very first book in the Harry Potter series had been published in the UK, and my dad had just brought home a ‘Collection of Great Hits’ Compact Disc(CD). I knew I had arrived at the apex of sonical ecstasy when I encountered Track 3 – Ace of Base’s 1992 smash hit ‘The Sign’. Over the next few days I would wear out the repeat button on that track, each time committing just a little bit more of the song to memory. Here in my friend’s car with the soothing breeze caressing my face and the clear blue skies above us, I was a sing-along Don at the peak of his powers! I reached for the circular knob one more time as I felt the the current volume still wasn’t doing the song justice. A little bit more to the right…right there… I was dialed in. All was now right with the world.

There are many things I remember about that open road exploration with my friend, but I always come back to that moment. As always, I try to find life lessons in the most rudimentary aspects of my daily interactions. This is no different. When I think about that moment, I think about Values and Action. Let me explain…. Values are the things that we have told ourselves are important to us. They could be a set of beliefs or principles, or people or things that we attach a high degree of worth to. Actions, to state it concisely, are the things that we do everyday. Here’s what intrigues me: sometimes our actions don’t always align with the things we say we value. A student may claim to value getting good grades on a test, but then can’t bring himself to study because there’s a football game going on presently. That student my claim to value getting good grades, but an honest introspective analysis will show that what they really value in that moment is enjoying a football game. A man may claim to value his significant other, but then switches up his tone when he’s on the phone with her around his friends. This man also has a hard time performing little gestures such as ironing her clothes for the next day, with the aim of alleviating some of her stress…and if he does, nobody better hear about it! What that man really values more, is not looking ‘soft’ in front of his boys. I am no saint when it comes to this either. Lately I’ve been trying to be more of a morning person. Part of the strategy to achieve that goal has been establishing a routine that gets me in bed at a certain time at night, so that I feel energized enough to wake up early. Upon waking up, I’m supposed to head to the gym. The other night I was faced with a choice of going to bed at my new ‘normal’ time or staying up late to watch a movie. I knew I had no business watching that movie if I wanted to be up early to head to the gym, but that was the choice I made. In that moment, no matter how much I may have professed to myself on the surface level that I valued waking up early and the increased productivity that was a by-product of that, a heightened sense of self-awareness will show that what I really valued was scrolling through Netflix to be entertained.

Champions do not necessarily always have more skill. If you dig deeper, the common denominator you will find across champions of any sport is this: there is an incredible degree of alignment between the things they say they value (winning in this case) and the actions they take. Kobe Bryant is a prime example. Kobe wanted to be great at basketball. While his friends partied on Friday night, he put in time at the gym to perfect his craft. He also knew he had to be up early the next day for practice. Is there anything wrong with partying? Not at all. But there was something he Valued more that demanded a different set of actions from him. He was dialed in to the point where his actions were incredibly aligned with his values. This is one of the challenge for me as I continue to try to improve myself everyday. Just as I turned that knob in the jeep wrangler till the volume was just right for my sing-along, I want to continue to dial-in my self awareness to the point where there is a high level of alignment between the things I claim to value and the actions I take. I will keep working. I encourage you to do the same.

What ever happened to that one time that Fall was followed by yet another summer and we skipped winter entirely, I thought to myself, lost in the fog of the hot steam as water crashed against my frigid skin in the shower. Oh that’s right… it never happened. Winter has always followed fall. Fall has always been preceded by summer. It has been so since the beginning of time. If I was a fortune teller who made his living off of predicting the seasons in a world where no one else knew better, I would make a fortune… pun totally intended.

Ok. I’m out of the shower….time to head down to the local food market to get some grocery items. You see I’m making a feast tonight, therefore I must be well armed with the finest herbs and spices. “What’s the hold up at the checkout register?”, I think to myself, peering over the broad shoulders in front of me as I try to balance half a pound of beef and an array of spices with the dexterity of a gymnast on a balance beam. Ah! There’s a nice fellow on bended knees with a ring in hand and a shell shocked lady. Listen to him… “It is you… it has always been you “ he says, as they both verbally agree to a lifetime commitment.

Dinner was a success. Time to settle into a movie. This scene is quite intense. “You’re a good for nothing man Jacob”, she howls in anger. “You’re incapable of honesty. You’re incapable of change. You’ve always been no good, and you’ll always be no good.” At least Jacob is consistent, I think to myself as I try to find the silver lining from the comfort of my sofa.

That was quite the movie, I say to myself. There I am , alone with my thoughts on the sofa, marinating in the inevitable silence that follows the deafening chaos of a busy day. My mind starts to wonder… The Seasons… Fall… Winter… an unassuming gentleman at a grocery store who has always known the physical manifestation of his soulmate. No good Jacob who can’t change…hmmm… that word CHANGE. My thoughts start to digress like a wanderlust taking an impromptu exit on the freeway. Why is change so hard sometimes? How does one go about making said change? What are the things that ensure that the change in question will be a lasting one?

These are seemingly simple questions with very complex answers. Why is change so hard sometimes? Well, for starters…what is easy to do, is also easy to not do. That takes the prospect of change from a seemingly leisurely stroll from starting point to destination, to a draining trudge through quicksand to get to the finish line as you get bogged down time and time again. How does one go about making said change? The age old saying is true: recognizing that an alteration in course is needed is half the problem solved. What comes next though? Like links in a chain, this question leads to the next question — the one that has really rendered me immobile on this sofa: how does one go about making sure that the change being aspired to is going to be permanent? If this question were an algebraic math problem to be solved, there would be constants and there would be variables. The secret to cracking the problem would lie in figuring out the variables. When it comes to comes to the subject of Change, everything around you that constitutes what we summarize as ‘life’ is a constant. There will always be imperfect situations. There will always be things that try to pull you back in directions you have pledged to forsake. There will always be things that try to compete for your attention such that you find it hard to give the resource of your time to the things that keep your feet pointed steadfast in the new direction that you’re trying to go. Like the changing seasons… Summer after Spring…Fall after Summer…Winter after Fall…Spring after Winter, like no good Jacob, obstacles and curve balls on your road to change are always going to be a constant! The only variable, is you.

If the change you desire has a shot at being a permanent one, you must understand this concept on a very deep level. It must resonate with you at your very core. When it comes to change, it starts with YOU! Take ownership. Take accountability. Often times I see people pack up all their belongings and move from one part of the country to the other, in hopes that things in their life will magically fall into place without having taken any time to alter any of their habits or thought process. They will think the same way and indulge in the same habits, the result being that they will get the same outcomes, just in a different city. They might have as well saved themselves the stress of moving across state lines and the accompanying financial cost. It’s time to get off this couch and into bed. Once again, when it comes to change and how we can ensure that change will be permanent, in the words of our charming gentleman at the food market, the answer is…. You. It has ALWAYS been you. Goodnight!

Come with me. Take my hand. Let us take a walk along the corridors of the innermost parts of your being. Let the mirror of identity that adorns the wall reflect to you, your very essence. Tell me who you see? As I sit here and write, I can’t help but reflect on what a month it has been. Life is a funny thing. You can be flying high one second and crashing the next. Disoriented from the force of impact as you make contact with the earth, good habits that have been painstakingly built over time suddenly become at risk of being eroded overnight—I’ve always wondered why it takes a lifetime to build and seconds to destroy… but I digress. Life! She can be a whimsical witch from the west if I ever did know one.

 

In those moments of crash-landing with knees scarred and elbows bruised, the temptation to lie down and succumb to the pain can be quite alluring.  The energy needed to take on each new day is absent, keeping out of sight like a guilty toddler.  This is what the last 31 days have been like for me. As I slowly start to emerge from the dust and rubble, I can’t help but ponder on a few things. For one, I’m disappointed in myself that I took so long to dust myself off. I’m a person who prides himself on having good mental fortitude. I train myself to find perspective in every bad situation. I tell myself that life is happening for me, not to me. I remind myself of the words of Les Brown: “when things go left, don’t go with them”.  So why did I go left this time? Why has it taken me so long to find my center again? This leads me to my first point: sometimes no matter how much you mentally prepare for life’s valleys, you can not completely escape human nature. Certain situations will still deal a heavy blow. Maybe the focus should be less on how long it took you to dust yourself off, and more on the fact that at the end of the day you stayed true to who you profess to be and refused to remain in the rubble.

 

This brings me to my next thought—knowing your identity is extremely, unequivocally important! What do we mean when we say identity anyways? Are we because we do, or are we, therefore we do? Ponder on that for a bit. For me, I believe in the latter. In other words, identity has to be formed in a vacuum.. void of the influence of circumstance or environment. With that identity forged, the challenge then becomes to live true to it. There is no place more critical for you to remember and live out your identity than when you find yourself left of center… when the bruised bones from crash-landing present a challenge to getting back up. If you will do anything worthwhile in life, you must hold yourself accountable to your identity. To have, you must do. To do, you must be! Someone who wants to have a published book is not a writer because he has a published book. He writes because HE IS a writer. When he writes (to do), he will HAVE a book.

 

So as we stand here in the corridors of your innermost self, I ask you again… tell me who you see? For me I see a man who has made a promise to himself to live life to the fullest, in the valley or on the mountain. I see a man who will constantly seek to exhaust EVERY God given gift within, in a quest to be a blessing to others. I see a man, win or lose, who will always find his way back to center.

So every once in a while when I’m in the kitchen cooking, I like to have something playing in the background. It could be a stand up comedy show on Netflix, a TED talk, an album from an artist that I like…just some background noise while I chop and blend in hopes of achieving culinary perfection. A few weeks ago I settled on an 8 minute long song on Youtube to kick things off while I prepped my ingredients. It is currently one of my favorite songs. Now this is where it gets interesting. Most songs that we come back to time and again have that moment where things kick up a notch and we really start to get into the groove of the song. It could be when the beat drops at the start of the second verse, when the song gets to the bridge, or maybe when the artist hits a really high note and defies imagination by holding it for what seems like an eternity! Well… the song I was listening to was no different. It had gotten to the part where things really kick up a notch, and I was just about to really get into it when wouldn’t you know it… Youtube hit me with an advertisement out of nowhere!! I was slightly incensed as it completely killed my “vibe” and took me out of rhythm. I’ve played this song a few more times since then on Youtube because I like it that much and sure enough, there’s always an advertisement at that very same spot the first time I listen. Here’s the thing though… these days it doesn’t take me out of rhythm or kill my vibe, because I expect it. I know it’s coming. I can see it from the proverbial mile away. It got me thinking about life. Most times it’s not the things we can see or predict that disturb our equilibrium. It’s the things we never saw coming. The things we were completely blindsided by. Now…it would be a fool’s errand to try to account for every possible scenario in every situation that we find ourselves. This is not just feasible. The more sensible question to ask therefore would be this — what can I possibly do to ensure that even though I may not be able to see everything coming, I still give my self a fair chance of coming out ok on the other side?

As someone who has had to deal with some unforeseen circumstances in the last 3 years, this question holds a certain level of intrigue for me. As always, I do not have all the answers… just a few things that have worked for me. So here goes:

1. Invest in a strong mind: I wholeheartedly believe that one of the greatest investments anyone can make is in being intentional about fortifying the mind. It has often been said that a lot of things in life come down to the mentality a person possesses. I believe there is some truth to this. When I was a kid, my father would always use the analogy of two pieces of cloth, one soaking in a bucket of water and the other soaking in a bucket of oil. If you took both pieces of cloth out, squeezed and twisted them in an effort to rid them of liquid, what came out of the piece of cloth that had been soaking in water was well, …water! Same thing for the piece of cloth that had been soaking in oil. It would be impossible for the piece of cloth that had been soaking in water to produce oil when squeezed and vice versa. When life squeezes and twists on you and applies pressure, you can only put out what you have spent time depositing on your inside. Nothing more! If you have taken time to invest in habits and books and tapes that build the man or woman on the inside, then you stand a much better chance of seeing out the storm.
2. Have a great support system: You’ve heard it over a dozen times — No man is an island. I will be the first to admit that I’ve not always seen the value of that statement. Being as introverted as I am, I more often than not just like to hunker down when the storms of life come and try to figure things out in my own way. However, I have come to appreciate the usefulness of a good support system. It definitely does have its place. It doesn’t have to be a stadium capacity size group of people….just a few solid reliable like minded individuals who you know you can count on if push comes to shove. Do this, and the storms of life tend to feel lighter. When it comes to life’s chaos, your plate may be full, but you do not have to eat alone.
3. Be a person of service: Where focus goes, energy goes. Plain and simple! When you are blindsided by a storm, it sometimes helps to turn the focus outwards and figure out how you can impact and be a blessing to others. Back in the day the musical artist Shaggy had this line in one of his songs that said “no matter how you’re sad and blue, there’s always someone who has it worst than you”. I think we can all agree that there is a lot of truth to this statement. Being a blessing to others even in the midst of your own troubles fills you with a sense of gratitude. That sense of gratitude will in turn alter your perspective and super charge you with enough energy to ride out the storm.
4. Know when to shut down: In tactical warfare, strategy is key. You have to know when to advance, when to hunker down, and when to retreat. Life is no different. Sometimes in the midst of a storm, you have to retreat from the world to be alone with your thoughts for a bit and recharge. You have to find strength in tranquility an re-strategize in solitude. You advance in a sense by retreating. Those that truly care about you will not judge you for this. They will be patient and understanding with you, letting you know in their own way that they are present to assist should you need them. For your own part, try not to take friends like these for granted. They are rare to come by.
5. Be anchored in something bigger than yourself: At some point in everyone’s life, he/she is going to face something that truly tests them to their core… something that pushes them to the point where they start to feel that they are just incapable and lack the know-how to make it to the other side. What do you do when you’ve exhausted every emotional and mental resource and it feels like your problem is still as insurmountable as it has ever been? At times like these, I find that it helps to be anchored in something. Not just anything, but something bigger than yourself. For me, that is my faith in God. For you it could be something else, but find something that truly grounds and centers you. Something that creates the certainty within for you that by hell or high-water, the waves will capsize, the clouds will part, and the sun will shine on you again.

Best of luck!!

Recently I keep coming back to the story of Jacob in the bible. You know… the one where he wrestles with an angel till the break of dawn. No, this is not a religious post per say, but I started writing these posts to share my unfiltered thoughts, and this one is no different. For those of you who’ve never heard or read this story, Jacob is alone one night and he wrestles with an angel the whole night. Matter of fact, at some point the angel realizes that Jacob is a very formidable opponent, so he tries to gain an advantage by touching Jacob’s hip socket to put his hip out of joint. This does not deter Jacob however, who continues despite a dislocated hip to wrestle with the angel. Finally when morning comes, the angel pleads with Jacob to let him go. Jacob responds saying “I will not let you go until you bless me”, to which the angel finally obliges.

I’ve heard and read this story many times growing up. This week however, I’ve been so intrigued by it, and I think I have an idea why: in some ways, I can identify with Jacob’s desperation. It’s palpable as you read the story. You feel like Jacob is at a crossroad. It’s almost like he’s at his breaking point where he’s told himself “it’s now or never. By hell or highwater, I either find my solution tonight, or I cease to be”. Fueled by that desperation, he stays up all night and wrestles! Not even a disjointed hip could tame his desperation or dilute his resolve.

I have battles in my life that I’m still facing. I still have things in my life that I’m trying to overcome. I still have areas of my life that I’m trying to improve. I still have dreams that I have not been able to make reality. I still have things that I wish were better. I am truly inspired by Jacob’s resolve to stay up…in the quietness of night, and wrestle. I want to be desperate enough to do the same—to look my problems and goals firmly in the eye and ‘wrestle’ until the proverbial break of dawn, which brings with it answers and solutions. It is ever more apparent to me that to get there, I must have the right level of desperation, roll up my sleeves and do battle! I must not give up regardless of whatever limitations I may encounter (for Jacob it was a dislocated hip), but stay the course until daylight brings with it a new song for me to sing.

May I cultivate the level of desperation needed to wrestle. May I wrestle unwaveringly in the face of unforeseen challenges. May daylight reward the perseverance that I have shown. Amen.

It’s 8am. I had a dream about you last night. It’s been a while since I thought of you. These days it’s hard to feel you near. I came down to the soccer field by my former house. It was here that I really got to know you. In the solitude of the pitch, the tranquility of the night, I told you things and you showed me possibilities. These days I search for your voice in the wind, hoping that I could feel you close again like the sweat on my brow, but the howling carries no mention of you.

It’s 12 noon. I just saw a car pull over by the side of the road, smoke emanating from it’s tires. Again my mind wanders… did you ever fix your car, or did you both part ways like a long overdue breakup between 2 lovers turned enemies? I remember how it would always give up on you at the most inopportune times. Anyways, It’s almost time to prep for dinner, so I must hurry along.

It’s 4pm. Today has been really strange so far. This meal in front of me might have to wait. My appetite seems to have gone the way of a pirate’s lost treasure. I’ve been thinking of how high you made me soar. It was like life itself was a vibrant city, and I could see all the beautiful ways it was unfolding from my vantage point.

It’s 8pm. It’s been raining outside and the weather is quite cold. I need some warmth. The cold chill making its way through my bones makes me think of you, and the fire you set ablaze on my inside. Alas, where a fire once burned, only ashes remain.

It’s midnight. I should get some shut eye. It’s been bittersweet spending today with you. It felt like seeing a long lost friend who was only in town for a brief period of time. I’m not sure when you will stop by again. I’m not sure if I will recognize you or you will recognize me if that happens. So for now, I’ll just say thanks for stopping by, and I wish you well on your journeys.

So this week I really needed a pep talk as I felt the energy I was bringing towards my goals waning a little bit. Instead of just giving myself a pep talk, I decided to put my thoughts down in writing. Hopefully I can inspire at least one person. Here goes:

One of the things I love to do in my spare time is read.  I am fascinated by knowledge and want to acquire as much of it as I can in the subjects that interest me. This often leads to a lot of questions loosely based around the context of what I’m reading at the time. Some of these questions are interesting, and some of them are downright hilarious!

Last week I was reading this article where the writer was commenting on how even in a bad economy, there seemed to be a noticeable cycle…. Successful people got more successful and people with little or no success continued on that downward trend. This triggered a flurry of questions in my head as I wondered if there was any legitimacy to the assertions the writer was making…. And if there was, what was the reason for this? Is there a process or set of rituals as secret as the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) recipe that was known only by successful people and hidden from everyone else?  If you were a betting person at a Casino table, what makes you supremely confident in betting on the odds of a certain person pulling through tough times to achieve successes as opposed to someone else? What makes such a person bankable?  I decided to pull back on all the other stuff I had read over time about topics related to this, and I would like to give a snapshot on what I deem to be some of the most interesting thoughts on the issue:

Tony Robins identified a cycle which I call the cycle of progress: Belief, Action, Results and repeat. Think about it this way… a person who has little belief in what he/she is trying to accomplish is not going to be motivated to take a lot of action…in their internal dialogue, they’re probably saying to themselves, “this isn’t going to work anyways”… with little belief and little action taken, they get nothing in results which further reaffirms the belief they had in the first place. As a result, they take even less action which leads to even less as far as results, and thus, a cycle is born. So what about successful people? Successful people constantly find ways to raise the b.a.r.  Massive belief leads to massive action which leads to massive results, which in turn reaffirms their belief.

One of my favorite definitions for success simply says success is certainty… being able to see the finish line mentally even before the first step has been taken in that direction. Doing anything worthwhile is going to take massive amounts of belief.  There are people doing the things you want to do and they are no better than you. They just believe in themselves more.

Having increased belief will almost certainly always lead to more action as regards the goal you are trying to achieve.  It is kind of a by-product.  As a trivial example, a guy who wants to become an expert in a certain field who spends every day reading and studying books about that field will most likely in six months to a year become very vast in that field, if not one of its leading experts.

Whatever success looks like to you, you can achieve it on a more sustained level if you make the commitment to constantly raise the b.a.r. Raise your belief… raise your actions… see better results!

My relationship with Happiness has been an ever evolving one. I will start from my mid-teens…  a time when you start to feel some of society’s overbearing reach as it tries to dictate to you what you should be, how you should act and what you should do with your life to fit in. At this point in my life, I held a view of happiness that I would ultimately carry into my mid-twenties. Happiness is a luxury. Put in another way, caring about what made you happy was for people who didn’t have “real” responsibilities… people for whom the livelihood/comfort of others weren’t dependent on their action and decisions… people who had reached a certain level of financial comfort which made their concerns different from those of the everyday man/woman. For me, a person with real problems didn’t have time to worry about what made them happy.  If they could meet their responsibilities to family and their job, that was enough.

Most of the decisions we make in life are made through the lenses of certain views that we hold about things. If you’re like I was and you feel happiness is a luxury, then the question of “what will make me happy” doesn’t factor into what kind of career path you choose, what jobs within that career path you accept, where you choose to live and sometimes who you choose to end up with. Such a person may choose a higher paying job because it enables them meet certain financial responsibilities, even though they wake up miserable every morning.  They may choose to be with a certain partner because he/she ticks certain educational or religious boxes that have been dictated by their social circles as mandatory even though they have absolutely nothing else in common with said partner.

At some point or another in my life, I have been such a person. So what changed? Why did I go from believing happiness is a luxury to the belief I hold today, which is that happiness is a fundamental human right and everyone “deserves” to be happy.  I put deserves in quotes because as I always say, life does not give you what you deserve. It gives you what you demand. If you want to be happy, you are going to have to take control…but I digress. What changed? Well, a few things:

1. A more conscious realization of the brevity of life: Fossil records tell us that humans as we know them have been around for about 200,000 years. The average person if lucky and in good health gets to live for about 120 years. That is such a tiny fraction compared to the duration of human existence. Simply put, life in the grand scheme of things is inherently short! Why spend the bulk of it being miserable? This leads me to my second reason.
2. The need for authenticity: If we accept the notion that life is short, why spend the bulk of it living a lie, being anything less than our true authentic selves. Shakespeare was on to something in Hamlet when he penned the words “to thine own self be true”. There is an energizing phenomenon of feeling alive in every part of my being when I am staying true to my most authentic self.
3. The understanding that choosing happiness does not mean the abandonment of one’s responsibilities: What I have just stated in the last sentence sounds like common sense when you write it out on paper, but as we know, what is common sense is not always common practice. My fear so far as I have put down words for this post is that someone will misconstrue my words as me downplaying the need to pay attention to a person’s personal responsibilities.  If you have read anything I have ever written, you know that this is not the case. I would argue however, that as a matter of fact you have more energy to go after life’s challenges and face your responsibilities when you are truly happy on the inside. It is true that sometimes you may have to be inconvenienced for a while to meet certain responsibilities. Yes, sometimes you will have to make sacrifices for a period of time. But it should never be to the point where it completely erodes your sense of happiness. At that point, you become a zombie of sorts, internally dead, just going through the motions every day. That is no way to live.

The central idea of this post was taking control of your happiness. So I guess the only question left to ask is how I’ve managed to do that. First off, I’m still a work in progress. Secondly, I don’t have all the answers but here are two big things that have worked for me:

1. Taking time to know myself better: In a sense, to know what makes you happy is to know yourself at a very deep intimate level. Spend some time alone if you must. Pay attention to the things that stimulate you… the things that create a spark on your inside. They are little bread crumbs on the pathway to your happiness.  Be bold. Follow that trail!
2. Every decision I make now is filtered through one question: will this make me happy in the LONG RUN? If certain choices are allergic to my long term happiness, they cease to be options for me.

In doing these two things, I have been able to take control of my happiness. Taking control of my happiness has become part of a broader philosophy of mine that living life to the fullest with exuberance and passion as opposed to just existing everyday does not have to be a pie in the sky dream or just something we theorize about. It can be achieved and should be sought after with every fiber of one’s being.  One song that really espouses this for me is the OneRepubluic song “I lived”.  I’ll let them have the last words:

Hope when you take that jump
You don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises
You built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out
They’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

 ………..

I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
Yeah with every broken bone
I swear I lived.