So every once in a while when I’m in the kitchen cooking, I like to have something playing in the background. It could be a stand up comedy show on Netflix, a TED talk, an album from an artist that I like…just some background noise while I chop and blend in hopes of achieving culinary perfection. A few weeks ago I settled on an 8 minute long song on Youtube to kick things off while I prepped my ingredients. It is currently one of my favorite songs. Now this is where it gets interesting. Most songs that we come back to time and again have that moment where things kick up a notch and we really start to get into the groove of the song. It could be when the beat drops at the start of the second verse, when the song gets to the bridge, or maybe when the artist hits a really high note and defies imagination by holding it for what seems like an eternity! Well… the song I was listening to was no different. It had gotten to the part where things really kick up a notch, and I was just about to really get into it when wouldn’t you know it… Youtube hit me with an advertisement out of nowhere!! I was slightly incensed as it completely killed my “vibe” and took me out of rhythm. I’ve played this song a few more times since then on Youtube because I like it that much and sure enough, there’s always an advertisement at that very same spot the first time I listen. Here’s the thing though… these days it doesn’t take me out of rhythm or kill my vibe, because I expect it. I know it’s coming. I can see it from the proverbial mile away. It got me thinking about life. Most times it’s not the things we can see or predict that disturb our equilibrium. It’s the things we never saw coming. The things we were completely blindsided by. Now…it would be a fool’s errand to try to account for every possible scenario in every situation that we find ourselves. This is not just feasible. The more sensible question to ask therefore would be this — what can I possibly do to ensure that even though I may not be able to see everything coming, I still give my self a fair chance of coming out ok on the other side?
As someone who has had to deal with some unforeseen circumstances in the last 3 years, this question holds a certain level of intrigue for me. As always, I do not have all the answers… just a few things that have worked for me. So here goes:
- Invest in a strong mind: I wholeheartedly believe that one of the greatest investments anyone can make is in being intentional about fortifying the mind. It has often been said that a lot of things in life come down to the mentality a person possesses. I believe there is some truth to this. When I was a kid, my father would always use the analogy of two pieces of cloth, one soaking in a bucket of water and the other soaking in a bucket of oil. If you took both pieces of cloth out, squeezed and twisted them in an effort to rid them of liquid, what came out of the piece of cloth that had been soaking in water was well, …water! Same thing for the piece of cloth that had been soaking in oil. It would be impossible for the piece of cloth that had been soaking in water to produce oil when squeezed and vice versa. When life squeezes and twists on you and applies pressure, you can only put out what you have spent time depositing on your inside. Nothing more! If you have taken time to invest in habits and books and tapes that build the man or woman on the inside, then you stand a much better chance of seeing out the storm.
- Have a great support system: You’ve heard it over a dozen times — No man is an island. I will be the first to admit that I’ve not always seen the value of that statement. Being as introverted as I am, I more often than not just like to hunker down when the storms of life come and try to figure things out in my own way. However, I have come to appreciate the usefulness of a good support system. It definitely does have its place. It doesn’t have to be a stadium capacity size group of people….just a few solid reliable like minded individuals who you know you can count on if push comes to shove. Do this, and the storms of life tend to feel lighter. When it comes to life’s chaos, your plate may be full, but you do not have to eat alone.
- Be a person of service: Where focus goes, energy goes. Plain and simple! When you are blindsided by a storm, it sometimes helps to turn the focus outwards and figure out how you can impact and be a blessing to others. Back in the day the musical artist Shaggy had this line in one of his songs that said “no matter how you’re sad and blue, there’s always someone who has it worst than you”. I think we can all agree that there is a lot of truth to this statement. Being a blessing to others even in the midst of your own troubles fills you with a sense of gratitude. That sense of gratitude will in turn alter your perspective and super charge you with enough energy to ride out the storm.
- Know when to shut down: In tactical warfare, strategy is key. You have to know when to advance, when to hunker down, and when to retreat. Life is no different. Sometimes in the midst of a storm, you have to retreat from the world to be alone with your thoughts for a bit and recharge. You have to find strength in tranquility an re-strategize in solitude. You advance in a sense by retreating. Those that truly care about you will not judge you for this. They will be patient and understanding with you, letting you know in their own way that they are present to assist should you need them. For your own part, try not to take friends like these for granted. They are rare to come by.
- Be anchored in something bigger than yourself: At some point in everyone’s life, he/she is going to face something that truly tests them to their core… something that pushes them to the point where they start to feel that they are just incapable and lack the know-how to make it to the other side. What do you do when you’ve exhausted every emotional and mental resource and it feels like your problem is still as insurmountable as it has ever been? At times like these, I find that it helps to be anchored in something. Not just anything, but something bigger than yourself. For me, that is my faith in God. For you it could be something else, but find something that truly grounds and centers you. Something that creates the certainty within for you that by hell or high-water, the waves will capsize, the clouds will part, and the sun will shine on you again.
Best of luck!!